[Ashraf Attia]

1- If you took 3 apples from a basket that held 12 apples, how many apples would you have?

3 !!!

2- Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?

Because from a distance they looked like hares!

3- What's the difference between capitalism and communism?

Under capitalism, Man exploits Man. Under communism, it is exactly the opposite.

4- How do you count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.

5- Why do cows have bells?

Because their horns don't work!

6- Why was the crab sent to prison?

Because he kept pinching things!

7- Why did the Cyclops stop teaching?

Because he only had one pupil!

8- What do you call a foreign object in a chip pan?

An unidentified frying object!

9- Why do bees hum?

Because they don't know the words!

10- What animal can jump higher than a house?


A house can't jump!
1- In maths at school, a typical problem would be: "if you have 10 apples in a basket and you take away 3, how many apples have you got?", and the answer would be "7" (10-3=7). But this joke is using pure logic to defy the conventional answer. If a basket holds 12 apples and you take 3 apples from the basket, you have 3 apples! (besides, nobody said the basket is yours).
2- The key word here is HARES. A hare is a wild animal similar to a rabbit, but they are thinner and run faster. The word HARE is pronounced the same as HAIR (they both rhyme with CHAIR). A BALD man is a man with no hair on his head.
3- I suppose you have no problems to understand this joke, but I'll explain it anyway. The opposite of "John kills Pete" is "Pete kills John" (excuse the example); but the opposite of "man exploits man" is "man exploits man", so this joke means that many people are exploited no matter what economical system they live in, it's all the same. To exploit a person means to take advantage of a person or situation for one's own ends (poor people work a lot and rich people get the benefits).
4- CATTLE is cows, bulls and oxen (a bull is a male cow and an oxen is a castrated bull). A HERD of sheep is a group of sheep that live together (a shepherd takes care of them). A herd of cattle is a group of cattle that live together (a cowboy takes care of them). A COWCULATOR is not a real word, but it obviously means "a calculator to count cows".
5- Cows that are often in the fields have a bell hanging from their necks so that you can hear them in the distance when they move. A cow has two HORNS on their head (they are hard and pointed, similar to bones). In the old times, people used animal horns to make something like a trumpet, if you blow it, it makes a loud sound. That is why today we use the word "horn" for the device in a car that makes a loud warning sound. For example, if you are driving down the street and another car gets on your way, you sound the horn to avoid crashing. So, if you sound the horn and no sound comes out, the horn is not working.
6- a CRAB is a crustacean that lives by the coast, has a hard shell and people say they walk backwards (in fact they walk sideways). These animals have six legs and two big pinches to defend themselves. TO PINCH is to squeeze between your thumb and finger, but for crabs, it is to squeeze using their pinches. In slang, to pinch is to steal, so if you pinch, you go to prison.
7- a CYCLOPS (plural: cyclopes) is a mythical god from Greece who is a giant and has only one eye (the most famous cyclops is Polyphemus, who was blinded by Ulysses). The little black circle in the middle of the eye is called PUPIL, so if a cyclops has only one eye, he only has one pupil, but a pupil is also a formal word that means "a student".
8- A CHIP PAN is a deep-sided cooking pan used for deep-frying (you fill it with oil and then put things inside to fry them). Chip pans are named for their traditional use in frying chips. A "frying object" is an object that is frying, but we automatically think of "an Unidentified Flying Object", that is, a UFO (usually thought to be an alien spaceship).
9- A BEE is the insect that makes honey and wax for candles (they can hurt you if they sting you). The buzzing sound they make when they fly is "to hum", but "to hum" is also to produce a tune (a song) without opening the lips or forming words. So if you want to sing a song but you don't know the words, you hum.
10- True, a house can't jump, so the question "what animal can jump higher than a house?" makes no sense, since all the animals can jump higher than a house .
The other meaning of this question (the first meaning you think) is: if a house is 10 metres high, to jump higher than a house is to jump more than 10 metres.